Today's Track : Mazzy Star - Wild Horses

Once upon a time I decided to open a door.

There are two types of people in the world -- those who open doors and those who don't. I was never a door opener. I was usually the one sitting in the corner of the room glancing at the door in hopes that someone or something interesting would walk in. And often I'd wonder if the people in the other room were having more fun than I was having. Maybe I was missing out.

There were always countless reasons to leave and yet I couldn’t. My own complacency and comfort led me to believe that I was happy. The truth was I wasn't happy but I wasn't unhappy either. I just was. Stuck between a tireless number of emotions I just didn’t know which one to feel.

You may choose to open a door because you’re tired of being in the room you're currently in. Maybe the ambience isn't right. Maybe the people are boring. Sometimes it's just a need for change. For me it was all of the above.

Before you walk through any door there are things you have to know. The first thing you should know is that the other side of that door is never in full view. You can only see as wide as the door will let you. The closer you get to that open door the wider the view gets but you still never get a complete view until you finally step through.

So one day I approached the door. I reached for that knob and I turned it. Not committing yet whether I would walk through or stay put, I could see from a distance people dressed in white and bubbles everywhere. I could hear music and laughter; see friends having drinks; couples sharing embraces. The people beyond that door were having fun and enjoying themselves. I wanted that. Why couldn't I have that?

Looking back one last time on the room that served me so well for the better part of three years I knew I was leaving a lot of people behind and disappointing a lot of people. There were so many expectations in that room. Another reason I had to leave – I could never live up to those expectations. Even as I walked through that door I didn’t know if I had made the right decision. I just knew I needed to see for myself what I was missing on the other side.

The moment I walked through that door I tried to look back but it closed behind me. Sometimes that happens. You can't assume you can always go back to where you came from. So as I looked at the new room, everything looked as great as I had thought it would look. The curtains were shiny and new. The lighting seemed brighter. The walls were an immaculate white. The people were smart and funny. My first thoughts were, "This is where I belong." And my thoughts never changed for most of my time there. The day did come though, when it seemed as though the lights had dimmed, the walls weren't as white and conversations with people were getting old. Maybe this wasn't the place for me either; maybe the last room I was in was where I was supposed to be. Those were my thoughts as I decided once again to leave. Seeing how I couldn’t go back to the previous room my only choice was to open another door and so I did.

So now I'm here in this new room and everything feels new again. I'm enjoying myself and everyone here is lovely. I’ve had such a great time here that I can hardly remember what the previous rooms were like. I'm happy again. Once in awhile though I wonder if this happiness will last; whether I'll become comfortable and complacent again; if I'll still want to be here in a few years down the road. And sometimes this worries me to no end. Now that I've opened countless doors, moved from room to room, what’s stopping me from doing it again?

I don't know the answers to these questions but I do know that I'm happy and for now that’s enough. Life is all about opening and closing doors and the choice is always there for me to make. Opening doors is something I really shouldn’t be afraid of.